So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my liver is dry heaving
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
