new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
