my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
