I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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