Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
