Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I died a long time ago.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
