Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
