community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
