dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The adults are the big ones right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
