So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
