He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
