I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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