Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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