dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
