I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
