Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
