Tell her she can't have a vagina
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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