im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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