Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
