my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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