I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
