I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
