i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
