After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
