I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
