think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
