Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
