you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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