so that wasnt chicken after all
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
