if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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