saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
