just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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