atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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