Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
