Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
