I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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