I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
