I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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