I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I look better un-naked...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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