Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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