my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
