I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
