a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
