i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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