I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
