i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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