When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
