my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
