drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
