two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
