Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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