how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
