We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
