like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
