Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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