Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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