i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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