Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
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That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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