thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
