theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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