just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
